The Joy and Grief of Watching Your Baby Grow Up
April 13, 2022, is the day I found out I was pregnant. That’s the date that divides my life into its two parts - pre-motherhood and motherhood. That date was almost three years ago now, and it still feels like it was just 5 minutes ago. So, how is it possible that my tiny little baby is almost two years old now? How can she be moved to the two-year-old class at daycare when she was just brought into this world? Watching her learn and grow is both the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced and the saddest. The travesty of time passing goes into warp speed after you have a baby. The baby that was once the size of a blueberry in my tummy now can barely fit into my arms when I rock her to sleep. It’s a paradox - each new milestone brings great joy and yet we’re losing something at the same time. I wouldn’t change a thing; getting to watch your child grow up is the best thing in the world. I only wish each stage would last a little longer.
The Joy of Milestones
I have an ongoing list of Bebe’s milestones in my notes app. The first time I heard her laugh - between 2-3 months old - brought tears to my eyes. The first time she stood up in her crib (around 6 months old), my husband and I cheered her on enthusiastically. On Oct. 10, 2023, Bebe started walking on her own without assistance (and hasn’t slowed down since). All of these milestones filled my heart with wonder, pride, and happiness, even as I recognized that each stage of development was moving along too fast for my brain to comprehend. There’s something remarkable about making a human from scratch and watching them absorb the world around them.
As Bebe gets closer and closer to two, her speech is becoming clearer and more complex. We can ask her questions and expect a response. She can identify pretty much every color now, and can count to 10. And boy, does she have opinions! When we’re getting her dressed for the day, she will tell us what she thinks of the clothes we picked for her. And usually it involves her saying she’d prefer to wear a pretty dress with a big bow in her hair. It’s insane watching her personality develop so quickly. She’s also incredibly helpful for a toddler - she puts her cups in the sink without us asking and puts garbage into the trash can.
As she has grown, I’ve realized that the bond between us deepens. Conversations become more meaningful, her laughter becomes more contagious, and her curiosity abounds. Every stage of growth feels like a new adventure, and my heart swells with the happiness of watching her become her own little person.
The Bittersweetness of Change and Evolving Roles
With each new milestone comes an underlying sadness. Each “first” is also a “last” for something else. When our toddler eventually transitions to an open toddler bed, that means she will no longer need a crib - ever again. The finality of it all is daunting. The more independent our baby becomes, the less we are needed. We still have a long way to go before she’s done growing up but I already feel nostalgic. I believe part of the feeling of loss is because many parents make parenting a part of their identity, myself included. But parenting a child is inherently temporary. The very nature of a child is to grow up. For the first time in my life, I can understand why parents of adults might sometimes push for grandchildren. The arrival of grandchildren means they get a little bit of that magic back.
My husband and I often find ourselves torn between excitement for the future and a longing to hold on to the past. We are not ready to let go of snuggles and lullabies anytime soon - or ever. In a way, I even miss the sleepless nights a little bit - because those were the days when I got to enjoy the newborn “scrunch.” All of it was just a moment in time.
As our babies grow up, our role as parents slowly diminishes - as it should. The increasing independence means they are developing normally, which is the best we can ever ask for. However, the transition from baby to grown up can also feel like a bit of a loss. The baby who once depended us for everything now wants space to figure things out themselves, which is both beautiful and unbearable.
Embracing the Present
As I grapple with the reality that nothing is forever, I am trying harder to enjoy the present while it’s happening, rather than looking back. Every phase of childhood is fleeting, and while one phase ends, another equally beautiful phase begins. The best way to navigate this emotional rollercoaster is to savor every little moment. Take the time to rock your baby until they’re entirely asleep, without rushing to do something else. Play with your little one until they decide they’re done playing, rather than slipping away to do chores. Snuggle in bed a little longer watching Bluey rather than rushing to get everyone in bed on time. If your spouse is in agreement, let the kids sleep in your bed. My husband is firmly against co-sleeping, but I remind him frequently that the day is going to come when our baby is never going to want to sleep next to us ever again.
Most of all, try your best to recognize special moments as they’re happening, rather than after the fact. You can do that by realizing any moment can be a special moment, if you stop and take a look around.
A Legacy of Love
Ultimately, the joy and sadness of watching your baby grow up are intertwined because both are rooted in love. The reason we feel so deeply is that we care so much. The love you have for your child doesn’t diminish as they grow older; it transforms. You may no longer rock them to sleep one day, but you’ll be there for their triumphs and challenges, cheering them on as they discover who they are. As our babies grow up, it’s important for us to adapt to their shifting needs instead of holding on to the child version of them. They won’t always need us to kiss their boo-boos away, but they will certainly need us as a shoulder to cry on someday.
In the end, the bittersweet nature of parenthood is a testament to the depth of our connection with our children. Watching them grow up is one of life’s greatest privileges, even if it comes with intense nostalgia. The journey from infancy to independence is a constant reminder of the beauty of life’s impermanence - and the immeasurable joy that comes from being a parent.
XOXO, Alexis.