Essential Life Skills to Teach Kids
As all parents (and even non-parents) know, raising a child is no joke. It’s a tremendous responsibility. And it’s on us parents to teach our children how to be kind, responsible, and functioning human beings by the time they reach adulthood. My inspiration for writing this article comes from several encounters I’ve recently had with adults who don’t seem to be able to do the whole “adulting” thing too well. Simple things like keeping their home tidy, cooking, and even driving are a challenge for some. I even know a couple of people who simply don’t file their taxes (?!).
While it is our responsibility as adults to do what we have to do regardless of how we were raised, I do believe all children can benefit from learning the basics from their parents. That’s literally what parents are for - teaching their children how to live without them in the future.
Here is some skills I find to be the most important:
Kindness. So, this is more of a value than a skill, and it’s certainly not a practical skill like learning how to drive, but I added it to my list right at the top because kindness is supreme, and it does not come naturally to everyone (especially kids). Likewise, kindness is a learnable skill and should be taught and demonstrated early on in a child’s life.
In school. Other than home, kids spend most of their time at school, interacting with other little humans whose brains have not yet fully developed. I think it comes naturally to kids to be straightforward and honest about what they think and how they feel, which can sometimes translate into mean behavior and words. Similarly, if a kid witnesses or experiences physical retaliation at home, they may feel inclined to get physical with their peers in school. The combination of mean words and physical confrontation sets the groundwork for bullying. That’s why it’s so important to teach kids what should and shouldn’t be said to people (basically, teaching our kids to have a “filter”), and that it’s not okay to touch people unless it’s in a kind way (such as a hug or handshake) and of course, always with consent.
A big step in teaching kindness is eliminating non-kind behavior in the home. If a family member (typically a parent) is a bully/abuser, then children in that home are going to perceive that type of behavior as normal. It is so often the case for a school bully to be getting bullied themselves at home by their mom or dad.
I would also teach my child to welcome peers who are being bullied by others and/or kids who look lonely and shy. You never know what a person is going through, and welcoming someone into your circle can mean the difference between life and death in the most severe cases.
In general. Kids need to be taught to be nice everywhere, not just in school. So learning politeness, such as opening a door for someone, asking how someone’s day is, or paying attention when someone talks to them, are crucial skills that will go a long way when they reach adulthood. Being mindful about body language and being able to keep eye contact are worth mentioning, too.
2. Social skills. In the world we live in, you can’t get through life without being able to talk to people effectively. Everything from getting a job to finding a spouse involves interaction with people.
Basic manners and social norms. Social norms usually have a negative connotation, but there are some social norms that we would hate to go without. Imagine somebody chewing with their mouth open, farting in a crowded elevator, or walking outside completely naked. Social norms make it so that people don’t do these things, and they are very important for children to learn at an early age. Of course, it’s important to teach age-appropriate manners gradually as they grow up because we don’t want overly rigid children, either.
How to ask for what you want. My husband and I started teaching Bebe how to say “please” and “thank you” as soon as she started talking. She’s pretty good at it, but we continue to correct her if she doesn’t ask for something correctly. As she gets older, I would also teach her that asking for something does not guarantee she’ll get it and that she’s going to have to accept “no” for an answer.
How to be assertive. Being able to stand up for yourself in a polite, respectful manner is a skill that even some adults don’t possess. It’s important to teach children that while being kind is wonderful, they should never allow someone to treat them poorly. This skill will help them navigate employment, friends, romantic partners, and other types of relationships when they reach adulthood.
I would also teach my daughter that it’s okay to be rude in some situations. Such as if a strange person is acting inappropriately toward her or trying to touch her without consent.
How to be open but diplomatic. This skill can come in handy in many situations, such as if you’re married. You need to be able to communicate your needs and wants to your partner while being respectful and not overly demanding. The sooner a person learns this skill, the better.
Conflict resolution. Something that happens a lot in families is arguing/fighting, then later pretending like nothing happened. A much better alternative is for people to come together and talk out the problem to properly clear the air. Doing so can save a lot of relationships from disintegrating.
3. Critical thinking. This skill requires someone to analyze information objectively, question assumptions, identify biases, and draw logical conclusions while being open to different perspectives and willing to revise their own beliefs based on evidence. This skill does not come naturally to most people, I think.
Teaching this skill to children could include:
Encouraging decision-making
Prompting them to ask questions
Allowing children to question authority figures in a respectful way
Having them work in groups (such as with siblings or friends)
Facilitating scavenger hunts
Welcoming people into your home who look and/or behave differently from your family (such as people of different races or religions).
4. Personal hygiene. I’ve come across way too many adults and teens for this skill not to be mentioned. Basic tasks like brushing your teeth twice a day, using deodorant after every shower, and showering at least once a day are essential, not optional. Regularly changing your clothes and keeping them clean is a part of personal hygiene as well.
5. Financial literacy.
How to pay bills. Of course, they’re not going to be paying bills yet, but familiarizing them with how to pay bills can help them as they grow into young adults. Nowadays, most bills can be paid online.
How to budget. I have a spreadsheet in my Notes app that includes all of my bills, which companies I need to pay, how much is due, and when the due dates are. This helps me ensure that I always have enough money for the necessities and helps me not to overspend on frivolous things. This is not something I learned as a child; I had to figure it out myself as a young adult.
The power of frugality. When I think of frugality, I don’t think of financial limitations. I think of all the possibilities that can be opened up when I stop spending money on things that really don’t matter (like non-essential material possessions and eating out), and save it for things that I care about very much (such as traveling or gift-giving).
How to pay taxes. I don’t think children necessarily need to learn the intricacies of tax-paying, but having them sit with you while you do your taxes online or having them come with you to your accountant’s office can familiarize them with the process and make it seem less intimidating.
Credit cards. Young adults are bombarded with credit card offers around the clock. I would personally teach my child to stay away from credit card debt (or any kind of debt) at all costs. But if you support credit card usage, it’s important to teach kids how to use their credit card(s) responsibly. What “responsibly” means is up to interpretation, however.
6. Cleaning/tidying/organizing. I am appalled by the number of adults out there who do not seem to know how to keep a clean home. For all of my parents’ shortcomings, they at least kept immaculately clean homes, which helped me become a tidy adult. Here are some cleaning skills I would teach:
How to pick up after yourself. Some people use stuff and then just leave those things where they are instead of putting them away. Or, they use the kitchen and don’t handle the dishes or wipe anything down. Not in our house, though.
What products to use in each part of the house.
How to do the laundry.
How to run the dishwasher. And the importance of using dishwasher-specific soap and NOT regular dish soap. I learned this the hard way when I was about 12 years old.
How to wash dishes right after using them or to put them right into the dishwasher, as opposed to letting them sit in the sink for any period of time.
Taking off shoes when coming into the house.
The importance of decluttering.
How to clean a bathroom properly.
7. Cooking. Admittedly, I’m not big on cooking (mostly out of laziness), but a person has to be able to cook themselves a few things before setting out into the world. This could include very basic meals: how to make eggs, how to make a grilled cheese, how to boil pasta and make sauce, how to cook veggies, etc.
8. Sexual health. Although sex ed is often taught in schools, it’s our responsibility as parents to ensure our children know exactly how to avoid unplanned pregnancies and STDs. Any sex talks should include consent, forms of birth control, and condoms to prevent the transmission of STDs, at the minimum.
9. How to swim. Even if you don’t live in sunny Florida like I do, learning how to swim is crucial to a child’s safety. Although not all drownings can be prevented, I think a good number of them could be prevented if all children learn how to swim at a young age.
10. Time management. Although I’ve gotten much better at this skill, it’s something even I struggle with at times. It’s not cute or respectful to consistently show up late everywhere you go. And showing up late isn’t going to be acceptable at all when your child grows up and has to do things like show up to work on time, make it to appointments, or catch a flight. Although my attendance certainly isn’t perfect, I often wonder how people make it through life always ~20 minutes late.
Something I would teach my child is to always overestimate how much time she needs to go anywhere. If she thinks she can be ready and out the door in 30 minutes, then it would be wise to allow an hour. If she ends up being a little early, that’s a great look.
Even if I’m not going anywhere, I still want to use my time as wisely as possible. For example, if I’m cleaning my house, I will allot a certain amount of time to each task so that I’m able to get to everything and so I can avoid dilly-dallying.
11. How to drive. Being able to drive is a very important skill to have. It’s not always going to be easy to catch a ride with someone or take advantage of public transportation, so being able to get yourself around independently is crucial. I know some people live in places like NYC or Chicago and might not need to drive daily, but when you visit other places that don’t have the same kind of public transportation, it’s going to come in handy. It’s worth mentioning because I’ve noticed that some teens nowadays don’t have much of a desire to learn how to drive (such as my stepdaughter), probably because they feel like it’s unnecessary.
12. How to register to vote and where. One of the most important rights we have as citizens is the ability to vote. It’s important to teach children the value of voting and also how to do it. When I was 18, I didn’t think to register to vote on my own. I was able to register to vote when I was 20 years old, and somebody on my college campus approached me about it (just in time for the 2012 election). When it came time to vote that year, I was very grateful that somebody helped me.
There are many more skills that are important, but the above skills are the ones I find to be the most important and will give children the best start in life.
XOXO, Alexis.