My Birth Story
For the vast majority of my pregnancy, everything was normal. All of the tests, bloodwork, and ultrasounds were perfect, and the baby and I were deemed healthy. My blood pressure had been normal, no indication of gestational diabetes, or any other major concerns. So, I was understandably shocked and terrified during the week that my baby was born, when everything seemed to go south.
November 28, 2022, had been my due date. On that morning, there had been no sign of baby coming so I had started working from home, business as usual. Around the late morning/early afternoon, I went to use the bathroom and noticed a little bit of fluid leakage in my underwear. It didn’t make me think that my water had broken - there wasn’t nearly enough fluid for that to have happened. However, I found the fluid leakage to be concerning, so I called my OB-GYN office. I was told that it may or may not be a big deal, but to go ahead to the hospital since it was my due date anyway. I went to the hospital as instructed.
Once I arrived at the hospital and my vital signs were taken, it was discovered that my blood pressure was sky-high. If I’m remembering correctly, it was about 163/97 (or something close to that). I was told that this was considered to be critical and that I would need to be induced. Thank god I had called my doctor’s office that day.
That night, I was admitted and was given the first dose of medication to induce labor. Throughout the night, my cervix didn’t budge at all; I was no more dilated than I had been the day before (which was 1 cm, to be exact). So, in the morning, I was told that they would like to insert cervical balloons to force my cervix to dilate. I consented to this treatment, not understanding just how excruciatingly painful it would be. My brain didn’t make the connection that once these balloons expanded inside me, it would feel like labor pains. During the periods of time when the balloons were fully expanded, I was having contractions and it felt like I was being stabbed from the inside of my body. It was such a sharp, unforgettable pain. I don’t typically cry from physical pain alone, but I was sobbing like a baby that entire day.
Several hours later, I was taken to labor & delivery. When the nurse checked my cervix, it was discovered that it had only dilated to 4 cm. The disappointment was pretty crushing, considering all the pain I had already been through that day. Sometime shortly after, a midwife came in to manually break my water, because I guess the cervical balloons had not been able to do that. The cervical balloons were removed, and I was in true labor now. Every so often, I would have contraction after contraction, and up to that point, that was the most pain I had ever been in up to that point. It was unbearable. Luckily, I had a lot of family with me, which helped. My partner, my mother, my father, both of my sisters and my niece were all there at various times. Having their support meant the world. I sympathize tremendously with the brave women out there who have given birth all alone.
I consented to getting an epidural as soon as I could. I had absolutely no interest in feeling any more pain. First, they told me that I would be getting “a walking epidural.” Basically, I would be numbed from the waist down but I would still be able to get up, use the bathroom, and bounce around on my birth ball. What I didn’t know was that the walking epidural would make me so itchy! I was itching from head to toe for hours after that. They gave me Benadryl to help, but it didn’t do anything for me except make me super sleepy. So then I was itchy AND sleepy. I was not having the time of my life, but at least the pain was under control.
What I also didn’t know at the time was that the epidural wasn’t just a one-time occurrence. Every so often, the effects of it would wear down and I had to press a button to administer more of the drug(s). Between the pain creeping back and having to get my blood pressure checked literally every few minutes, I had not been able to sleep at all. Not for lack of trying though; I tried to sleep through all of it even just for minutes at a time, but the best I was able to accomplish was a drowsy, twilight state. During this twilight state, I remember my partner and sister being there in the room, talking amongst themselves. We had brought a wireless Bluetooth speaker, and they were playing Taylor Swift for me (I am a huge Swiftie), and that made me feel the slightest bit of comfort.
That continued late into the night - the relentless contractions, button-pushing for drugs, the blood pressure checks every 2-3 minutes. Between 2-3 in the morning, the OB-GYN attending (let’s call him Dr. G) came in and told me that my cervix had only dilated to 6 cm, that it was time to give up on natural birth, and that I would need to have a C-section. I had been in labor for about 18 hours at that point. I consented to the C-section without much fuss; I was so exhausted and such a mess that I didn’t even care about having a natural birth anymore.
The staff ensured that my epidural was in full effect and that I couldn’t feel my legs or feet (I couldn’t). However, I remember that I could still move my lower extremities even though they were completely numb, which the staff and doctors found to be unusual.
As I was wheeled from labor & delivery to the OR, I was more nervous than I had ever been before. I was so sick to my stomach about needing to have surgery that I vomited twice. That had never happened to me before. I remember being in the very white OR, looking at the curvy pattern of the lights, trying to hold my sh*t together. I was so upset that I had told my partner that I wanted my mother there, after adamantly insisting that no one else attend my birth.
Although I couldn’t technically feel any pain, I felt the tremendous pressure of Dr. G cutting into my uterus and pulling my baby out. She was born at 3:02 a.m. on November 30, 2022. It was completely surreal seeing my baby for the first time. For my entire pregnancy, she was this little mystery creature growing in my tummy and now she was here in the flesh, crying her lungs out. I was kind of out of it, but I remember being very relieved to hear her cry. She was okay, and that meant that everything was going to be okay. I had gone through the worst of it, and now all I had to do was recover. Or so I thought.
After the C-section, I was wheeled to the recovery unit. Right away, I attempted to breastfeed for the first time, but I only had drops coming out. My partner ended up giving her a little bottle of formula provided by the hospital.
Probably close to 4 a.m., a huge gush of blood came out of me while the baby was being fed. My first thought was that that was the placenta, but I was told that that definitely wasn’t it, because the placenta had already been removed during the C-section. All of a sudden, more and more blood was coming out of me to the point where my vitals were plummeting. My partner, who was right next to me while holding the baby, said that it looked “like a river of blood” was coming out of me. My vision had started to go a little dark, but I held on tightly to consciousness. I asked the doctors and the staff if I was going to be okay, and they all said yes. I looked over at my newborn baby, thinking (perhaps dramatically), “Wow, at least I got to see her one time.”
Dr. G literally saved my life and I am forever grateful to him. He stuck his whole entire arm up into my uterus and manually removed all of the blood clots that had apparently formed in my uterus, which had been the cause of the hemorrhaging. This scene was as dramatic as you could imagine - I was bleeding like crazy, screaming and crying at the top of my lungs while the doctor was trying to save my life. My partner later told me that I was screaming “like the Exorcist.” I remember one of the other doctors in the room saying that I would need to be taken back to the OR. In the painful haze, I remember thinking, “hell no!” I have a tremendous fear of being put under general anesthesia.
But Dr. G didn’t seem to pay any attention to that other doctor and he kept doing what he was doing. My partner said it looked like Dr. G’s arm was up inside of me up to his elbow. That pain was way worse than the contractions had been and to date, it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. To this day, nearly a year and a half later, I think about it all the time.
Eventually, all the blood clots were removed and the bleeding stopped. My vitals slowly trended in the right direction. Then, in true Alexis fashion, I started cracking jokes about it as soon as I could to lighten the mood. I remember the look on Dr. G’s face when I was able to bring a little humor into the room - a look of deep relief.
After that, the baby was placed in a bassinet next to me, and the lights were turned down so that I could sleep. I couldn’t, of course. Eventually, I was wheeled to a regular hospital room where Nurse Pam was mad that no one had cleaned me up yet. By the time I got to her, my bed was still full of blood and I looked like I had gone through a war. Nurse Pam was clearly a grumpy, old-fashioned type of nurse but she got me cleaned up quickly, and she helped me get out of bed for the first time since I’d gotten the epidural, so I was happy with her.
I ended up staying in the hospital for a total of 5 days, due to the elevated blood pressure. My doctors were concerned that I would develop preeclampsia. That didn’t end up happening, thankfully, but it was a stressful 4-6 weeks thereafter, trying to keep my blood pressure in check. I had been instructed to take a blood pressure monitor home with me so that I could check my blood pressure every couple of hours. I was taking blood pressure medication for at least a couple of months after baby was born.
A lot of time has passed since my baby’s chaotic birth. As I’m typing this, I am lying safely in my bed and I am glancing at my safe, sleeping toddler through the baby monitor. My partner is lying next to me, also sleeping. Life is truly wonderful despite the stresses of everyday life. I am extremely grateful to be here, alive, watching my baby grow up. When I was hemorrhaging out, I couldn’t see yet how things were going to turn out. It’s all far behind us, and I couldn’t be happier.
XOXO, Alexis.