9 Things I’ve Learned After 18 Months of Motherhood
My daughter just hit 18 months on May 30th, and I can’t believe time has passed this quickly. Every parent who ever lived rants and raves about how quickly time goes by when you have kids, but I didn’t quite anticipate HOW fast it would go. In my mind, I am still in my bathroom, staring down at a positive pregnancy test. Instead, I now have a feral toddler who can say many words and can dunk her nuggets into her sauce without my help. The drawers in her room that once contained a plethora of burping cloths and bibs now contain only big girl clothes. I thought the newborn stage was going to last forever, but it only lasted for what felt like a fortnight.
Nonetheless, I am finding that each stage of my child’s development is even sweeter than the last. Sure, my girl is much bigger now and a bit more independent, but she’s also so adorable and charming. She loves to give us hugs and kisses, and she says goodbye to Bluey whenever we turn off the TV. I’ve been singing to her since she was a small infant and now she’s trying to sing along to the songs. Life as a mom is chaotic but unbelievably magical.
The more time goes by, the more I learn about parenthood, and the more I realize that I didn’t know anything before I became pregnant. I think about the ignorance of my pre-child days often.
Here are some things I’ve learned after 18 months of motherhood:
Nothing on this earth is more joyful than making a tiny human and getting to watch them grow. This is coming from someone who hadn’t been planning on having any children - but I am so glad that I did. I had witnessed many other children in my life grow up (nieces, nephews, cousins, etc.) and had never been too impressed with the thought of parenthood. But when my child says a new word, hits a new milestone, or just gives us a big bear hug, the feeling is unmatched.
Children aren’t as expensive as many people think. For some reason, people like to talk about how expensive things like diapers are, but the cost hasn’t bothered us much. The most expensive part of having a child, hands down, is childcare. Luckily, we have been able to rely on family members to take care of Bebe, but that’s not going to last too much longer. Daycare in our area is running at $1,200 - $1,500 per month, per child. And that's for toddlers; newborns and infants cost way more.
Not everyone experiences post-partum depression, but pretty much every mother I’ve known experiences a lot more anxiety after giving birth. After you have a baby, you realize how fragile they are and how dangerous this world is. You realize how easy it would be to get into an accident, get stuck in a storm, fall down a set of stairs, accidentally hit your baby’s head while walking through a doorway, and so many other possible scenarios. I’ve spent countless hours having these thoughts race through my mind. And it doesn’t get better as your child gets bigger. The fears just change. When Bebe was a newborn, I worried endlessly about SIDS. Now that she’s 18 months old, I worry endlessly about her choking, running into the street, or getting crushed by a fallen dresser. When you have someone you love so very much, it makes you terrified of losing them.
Before Bebe, I had the idea that having kids would hold me back from achieving my goals, such as establishing a career, traveling, etc. But when she was born, my goals changed. Of course, having a career and traveling are still high on my priority list and are things that I’m working on, but they no longer seem as important as they once were. Making sure Bebe has an awesome childhood is now my main goal.
Even if you were the most hardcore pet mom before having kids (like I was), now you’re not. Before Bebe, my dog and cat were pretty much my whole world. I would constantly tell people that they were my “kids.” Now, that just seems ridiculous. Having pets is nothing like having kids - not even close. The love you feel for your human babies is infinitely higher than the love you feel for your pets. Still love the pets though, of course!
Society as a whole has really harsh opinions about kids and their parents. If I wanted to hear someone complain about kids being loud (which is normal for them), or how awful a parent is for letting their kids run around (which is also normal for them), I wouldn’t have to go far. Even worse, tons of parents out there are apologetic on behalf of their children, which is crazy to me. Just because much of society has low tolerance for children doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them at all. The key is to just stop caring what people think and do what’s best for you and your children. Considering what other people might be thinking of you will drive you crazy.
As a parent, you’re going to do a lot of things you swore you would never do before you had a kid. Examples include allowing your children to watch TV or an iPad, letting them eat/drink sugary foods and drinks, letting them sleep in your bed, letting them steal your food and drink from your Stanley tumbler, etc. I’m a relatively lenient parent, so unless something could be a safety hazard for my child or she’s having some behavioral issues that should be corrected, I will generally let things slide.
Your parents are going to be better grandparents than they were parents. Maybe it’s something about their old age, but they definitely soften up when they become grandparents. In previous articles, I’ve spoken about the issues I’ve had with my parents while growing up, but none of them matter as it pertains to my daughter. They would do anything for that girl.
You realize that you matter now more than ever. When you become a mother (I can’t speak for dads, but I’m sure it’s similar for them), your top fears are (1) losing your child; and (2) your child losing you. It doesn’t take you long to realize that you are extremely important in their lives. If your child loses you, they may land in good hands, but you can never be replaced. So, all of you parents (myself included) need to keep yourselves safe and healthy because you’re going to be a parent for a very long time and your kid(s) deserve to have you around.
XOXO, Alexis.