Navigating Childcare As Two Full-Time Working Parents
It’s no secret that the United States, where we live, does not have stellar parental leave policies. Some states are better than others on this issue, but it’s nothing like the year-long maternity leave that some European parents can take for granted. The United States has no statutory minimum for maternity leave compared to other countries. An unbelievable 72% of new moms in the US either work full-time or part-time following childbirth. In fact, over half of all two-parent family households in the US have both parents working full-time. By contrast, according to Harvard Business Review, parents in Denmark can take up to 52 weeks of at least partial pay that new parents can share. This kind of information stings a bit, knowing I wasn’t able to have nearly that much time with my baby following her birth.
When I found out I was pregnant in April 2022, one of the first issues that plagued my mind was the issue of childcare. My partner and I were working full-time and could not imagine losing one of our incomes. How would we possibly be able to care for a baby with our relentless 9-5 schedules? I quickly looked into daycare in the early days of my pregnancy and was crushingly disappointed. How could daycare cost so much, when daycare workers get paid so little (hardly more than minimum wage in the US)?
My mom and sister signed up early on to help with childcare and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Additionally, I was able to work from home two days out of the week and my partner was able to work from home two days a week, so we would only need help for the two remaining days during the week.
Following Bebe’s birth, after my 6-week maternity leave was over, our childcare schedule looked like this:
Monday: I worked from home and took care of the baby.
Tuesday: Same as Monday.
Wednesday: My partner would drop off the baby with my mother for the day and I picked her up after work.
Thursday: My partner would drop off the baby with my sister for the day and I picked her up after work.
Friday: My partner worked from home and took care of the baby.
This schedule was a bit chaotic but it worked for us for about a month after I returned to work from maternity leave. However, this didn’t last long. The CFO of the law firm I was working at at the time had caught wind that I was caring for my newborn while working from home and she did not like that. They weren’t willing to pay me to take care of my child, even though I was getting my work done. I didn’t last at that law firm for very long after that.
My next job was fully in-person with no option to work from home. This changed the dynamic of our childcare schedule quite a bit. Now, my mom and sister would each need to watch Bebe two days a week. Needless to say, I was crushed to be losing more time with my baby but so happy that they were ready and willing to have the baby for an extra day.
Our new childcare schedule looked like this:
Monday: Mom watched baby.
Tuesday: Same as Monday.
Wednesday: Sister watched baby.
Thursday: Same as Wednesday.
Friday: My partner worked from home and took care of the baby. His boss has never minded him taking care of his child while working from home, unlike mine.
Aside from the agonizing reality that I could not stay home with my baby even though I desperately wanted to, this new arrangement worked for us for several months. We were very grateful to both my mom and sister because, without them, we would have had to pay a small fortune for daycare. Not to mention I was not at all ready to leave my infant with strangers. And frankly, I’m still not, even though our baby is now 16 months old.
When Bebe was around 6-7 months old, my mother could no longer watch the baby on Mondays and Tuesdays due to work-related reasons, so we needed to find another solution. My partner and I discussed the possibility of daycare again but had the same qualms that we’d always had about daycare - too expensive, concerns about safety and health, etc.
Thankfully, my partner’s mother - my mother-in-law - happily stepped in. She doesn’t work, and she wanted quality time with the baby, so this worked out for us. However, our only issue with her is that she lives roughly 1.5 hours away. So, my partner drives about 6 hours a week total to pick her up and drop her off, twice.
Once my mother-in-law entered the picture, our childcare schedule looked like this:
Monday: Mother-in-law watches baby.
Tuesday: Same as Monday.
Wednesday: Sister watches baby.
Thursday: Same as Wednesday.
Friday: My partner works from home and takes care of baby.
On a happy note, I was recently approved to work from home on Thursdays so that I can stay with Bebe. This will mean that we will only need help three days out of the week from our caregivers.
Our childcare dynamic during the work week has always been a little bit complex, but it’s worth it to us if it means that we can keep Bebe out of daycare a little bit longer. This is not to say that all daycare facilities are bad - I know some daycare workers will care for the kids as if they’re their own. But, not all of them do and that’s what worries me. No one is going to care for Bebe better than her parents and closest family members.
It’s such a great comfort and blessing knowing that our baby is so loved that we haven’t had any issues finding family members who want to take care of her. Although my mother does not watch Bebe every week anymore, she occasionally watches the baby overnight whenever my partner and I want quality time to ourselves over the weekend.
We are very much aware that not everyone has the kind of village that we have, so navigating childcare could be infinitely more difficult for us. I have read and heard many stories of parents (and sometimes just single mothers by themselves) who have no village at all, not even grandparents. These individuals have no other choice than to dole out thousands of dollars per month for childcare, something that any normal family in the US would find difficult.
In the grand scheme of things, I strongly believe the lack of resources for parents in the US is hurting our children. It can’t possibly be good for anybody for parents to have to leave their babies so soon after birth. It is my sincerest hope that the parental leave policies and our childcare system improve for future generations.
XOXO, Alexis.