My Pregnancy Story
On April 13, 2022, my life was forever changed. After experiencing weeks of all-day nausea, I had finally taken a pregnancy test and it had come back positive. Shocked, I immediately called my partner and let him know. Not only had this pregnancy been unplanned, my partner and I had not been planning on having children together at all. He already had a daughter from his first marriage and I’d had no interest in having children of my own. Moreover, I knew nothing about babies and children. The tiny bit experience I had at that point was from when my two little nieces were babies - and by the time I found out I was pregnant, they were already teenagers. So, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I was terrified. The universe seemed to be laughing at me considering how obnoxiously child-free I had been before.
Despite all of the negative feelings, I can say that as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore; by that, I mean it already felt like a little person was there in the room with me. My hand had immediately moved to my belly and I smiled the tiniest bit before all of the panic set in. What a beautifully chaotic moment that was.
Shortly after, I headed to work, thinking of all the changes I would need to make. Thinking of myself as a mom for the very first time. Thinking of someone being dependent on me and how life was never going to be the way that it was, no matter what happened with this pregnancy. I am a rather sentimental person so I took a selfie that day so that I would never forget what I looked like on the day that I found out Bebe was coming. I am also not one to keep secrets so after I called my partner, I also called my mom on the way to work, I texted two of my best friends, and I told my work bestie about it as soon as I arrived at work. Other than my partner, everyone was ecstatic to hear the news. My mom, who had long given up on me having any children, cried immediately. My work bestie, a mom herself, also cried for me. It was apparent early on that I would have a lot of support during this pregnancy.
Coincidentally, I had a chest cold at that time so I had gone to an urgent care the very next day. They confirmed my chest cold and the pregnancy (via urine test). I was told to take Robitussin because apparently that’s safe to take for colds during pregnancy. While I was in the examination room with the medical assistant, I started crying hysterically. All of the negative feelings about this pregnancy were in full swing and I felt like there was no way I could possibly be a mom. The medical assistant was so sweet and I’ll never forget her; she told me she had three children of her own and that I would get through it. She told they were the best part of her life and she would do anything for them. That didn’t completely alleviate my anxiety but I appreciated her in that moment.
I made my first OB-GYN appointment for Monday, April 25, 2022, which would include the first ultrasound. I didn’t know how far along I was and I didn’t keep track of my periods. Luckily, my partner has an eerily good memory and told me that my last period had been around February 15th. Therefore, I should have been around 8-9 weeks along. Sure enough, based on the size of the embryo, the doctor was able to estimate that I was 9 weeks pregnant that day.
Seeing that first ultrasound of our baby was like nothing else. My partner was with me, of course, and he kissed my hand as soon as we could see the heart beating on the monitor. I cried tears of joy. This pregnancy felt real now. There was no going back. That tiny blob on that monitor was our baby and would be so loved by so many. We were told that the embryo looked good and there was no reason to expect any issues with the pregnancy.
Once we left the examination room with the ultrasound pictures, our wonderstruck smiles slightly dissipated when billing told us how much we would have to pay out of pocket for prenatal care despite the fact that I had health insurance. Around $3,300 out of pocket approximately, not including the cost of the ultrasounds. This is a very unfortunate aspect of pregnancy and parenthood in the United States, and it is a big reason why some people choose not to have children. Being slapped with a big bill when you have a baby on the way is a shitty way start your parenthood journey.
Once May rolled around, the scaries had set in again. I confided in one of my best friends, Blondie, that I couldn’t possibly take care of a child - I could barely take care of myself! Sure, we had a double-income household but we were still living in a small two-bedroom apartment at the time. I was barely clearing $40,000 per year at my law firm job and all of the costs of having a baby and raising a child were weighing on me. Blondie told me something I’ll never forget and I will repeat it as often as I can: “all a baby needs is love and boobs.” Of course, babies need more than that but if the baby has love, everything else will follow. You will do whatever you need to take care of your child.
I can’t remember the exact date but it may have been sometime in late-May or June that I found out the sex of the baby. Prior to that, I had been totally convinced that I would be having a boy and nobody could tell me anything different. Not that I preferred a boy but I just had a feeling that it would be a boy. Then the morning that I knew I would be getting a call from my doctor to tell me the sex, the strangest sign from the universe emerged. I had gone to Chick-fil-A for breakfast that day, and the car in front of me in the drive-thru had a pink license plate. I’m slightly superstitious so I took this as an ironclad sign that my baby was a girl. And sure enough, I got confirmation shortly thereafter from my doctor that our fetus was definitely a female. I cried tears of joy for most of that day because knowing the sex of my baby made her feel even more real. I also played Daughters by John Mayer on repeat because I am nothing if not dramatic.
The remainder of my pregnancy was mostly good, physically. No major concerns arose until the birth (a story for another time). Emotionally, I often found myself aggravated because of all the limitations I had. I couldn’t do anything without someone telling me to take it easy even though I knew my limits. Even worse was the unbelievable amount of unsolicited advice I was getting from everyone. My neighbor, who I really liked but didn’t really know that well, felt that it would be a good idea to tell me all about breastfeeding. It was a nice gesture but a slightly uncomfortable topic with someone you don’t know that well.
A very positive aspect of my pregnancy was the adoring support from our close friends and family, both emotionally and financially. We received a total of $3,600 during our baby shower, along with almost everything we needed for the baby. The crib, rocking chair, changing table, tons of clothes, months worth of baby wipes and diapers, a carseat, and many other things were provided to us during our baby shower. The only things we had to buy ourselves was the video monitor, a bottle warmer, and a couple of other little things that I can’t remember right now. We did not have to buy diapers until Bebe was 8 months old. - I’m not kidding. In addition to that, my job held a baby shower for me, too. Unfortunately, not everyone has this much support, so I felt and still feel extremely thankful.
It also helped that my partner is the best dad in the whole world so I knew that I would never be alone in raising this baby. I knew this to be true because I had witnessed his never-ending love for his first daughter. In fact, when Bebe finally arrived, he taught me a lot about taking care of a baby because he had lived it before. I don’t know what I would have done without him. For him, dads are not secondary parents - both mom and dad are the primary parents and there is no reason why he shouldn’t be doing just as much as I do. We are truly equal parents, which is rare, sadly.
I want to conclude my story with a short note t0 expecting parents who didn’t plan their pregnancies and don’t know what to do: it will work out. You will have your baby and that baby will be so loved. Not everyone has support like I do and that means parenting may be harder for some people. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it. I can say with absolute certainty that when you look into your sweet child’s eyes, every challenge is going to be worth it.
Also, don’t assume that things will never get better. Work hard to get to where you want to be because you and your baby deserve that. When Bebe was 7 months old, I found a much better job with significantly more pay. My partner had also just gotten a raise so our household income was more than enough to cover an extra child. The fears I had in the early days of my pregnancy proved to be totally invalid. Now, I thank the universe everyday for my spunky Bebe and our little family. A happy, healthy family is the greatest wealth in this life.
XOXO, Alexis.